My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
