party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
