wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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