If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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