you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
