We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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