my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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