My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize