hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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