I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
