We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
