I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
