Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
