i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
soo... how was my night?
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