just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
