his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
