I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
