I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
