My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize