Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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