I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
