he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
