I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize