There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
