found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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