operation harelip BJ is a go
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
