Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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