Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
