Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
