god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
