...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
