talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
