New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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