Plan B is the new Plan A
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
