so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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