All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
