She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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