so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
