she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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