And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
