how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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