can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
