One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
