I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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