I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
