in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
