A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
