I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
