**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
