I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
