Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize