I just saw a hot homeless man
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
