im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
