craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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