I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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