Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
