I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
