I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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