my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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