She said her name was "party"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
