The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
