I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
thus making me awesome and them whores
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I need to align my fucking chakras
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
