You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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