Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
