You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
