There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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