last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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