i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
