if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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