I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
