508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I did not marry a roomba.
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