my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
