dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
