I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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