party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
