the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
