Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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