the condom got lost in my hair
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
