So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
