I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
