My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
