I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Let's get the cat blown out
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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