I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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