The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it's like iHOP with fire
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
