sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
