When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
