Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
