There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
