I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
