I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Randomize
