So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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