Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
