I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
