its not stalking. its research.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
