Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
