I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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