it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I came so hard my ears popped.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I forget how to act sober
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
