what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
