Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
