Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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