I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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