i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
