I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
