The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
