I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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