Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
