Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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