oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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