the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
